Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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