i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
