Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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