i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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