So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
