dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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