well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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