Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
