You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
