I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
