Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
