I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
