a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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