you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
