i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I did not marry a roomba.
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