is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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