Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
