your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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