based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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