Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
