More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
