I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i think my cat just said my name.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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