shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize