Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
