dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
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he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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