He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You dont lie about slip and slides
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME