I cannot find my penis.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
