I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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