no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
