Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
