So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
