I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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