i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
accomplished twins. life is a go
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
