well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
