OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
