I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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