Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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