Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
