So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize