Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
