nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize