I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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