i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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