dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
