So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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