I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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