Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
