Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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