totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
All the doctor said was why
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
