So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
