He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
