is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
