its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
