I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
