Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
