I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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