Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I am spending my child support on dildos
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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