Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
