Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
