Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
