He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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