i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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