man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
